Everyone loves a good joke—whether it’s a classic pun, a clever play on words, or a joke so bad it’s actually great. If you’re in need of a little laughter, you’ve come to the right place!
We’ve gathered 100 of the funniest, punniest, and wittiest jokes that are sure to bring a smile to your face. From skeletons with no guts to a fish in a bowtie, these jokes cover everything from science to animals, food, and everyday life.
So, sit back, relax, and get ready to chuckle, groan, and maybe even snort with laughter. Let’s dive right in!
1. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
Because they don’t have the guts.
2. What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
A satisfactory.
3. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
4. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
5. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired.
6. Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
7. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up.
8. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
9. I asked my dog what’s two minus two.
He said nothing.
10. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
11. What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta.
12. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
13. Why did the math book look sad?
It had too many problems.
14. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese.
15. Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
16. How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
17. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He needed a little space.
18. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
19. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
20. Why are ghosts bad at lying?
Because they are too transparent.
21. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
22. What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner.
23. Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open.
24. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
25. Why don’t crabs give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
26. What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
27. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
28. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for fresh prints.
29. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener.
30. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
“Hey, bud!”
31. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well.
32. What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
33. What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
34. What did one plate say to the other plate?
Lunch is on me.
35. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because he felt crummy.
36. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
“Supplies!”
37. How do cows stay up to date?
They read the moos-paper.
38. Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it had the drumsticks.
39. What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A pork chop.
40. How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
41. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
42. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
Nothing, he just let out a little whine.
43. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash.
44. What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
45. Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
46. Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon?
Because she will let it go!
47. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
48. Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All the fans left.
49. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
50. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
So-fish-ticated.
51. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
52. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
53. Why did the music teacher go to jail?
Because she got caught with the wrong notes.
54. Why did the belt get arrested?
Because it was holding up a pair of pants!
55. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
56. Why can’t you trust stairs?
Because they’re always up to something.
57. Why did the man run around his bed?
Because he was trying to catch up on sleep!
58. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
59. Why was the broom late?
It overswept.
60. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
Frostbite.
61. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
62. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
63. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers.
64. What happens when you eat aluminum foil?
You sheet metal.
65. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
66. Why was the math teacher suspicious of prime numbers?
They seemed odd.
67. Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
68. What do you call a group of musical whales?
An orca-stra.
69. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
70. Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
71. What did the volcano say to the other volcano?
I lava you.
72. Why did the elephant bring a suitcase to school?
Because it wanted to pack its trunk.
73. What did the dentist say to the golfer?
You have a hole in one!
74. Why did the ghost go to school?
To learn how to be a better boo-ker.
75. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts.
76. How do you throw a space party?
You planet.
77. Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
78. What did one elevator say to the other?
I think I’m coming down with something.
79. Why did the pencil go to detention?
Because it had a point to make.
80. What do you call a sleeping T-Rex?
A dino-snore.
81. Why did the barber win the race?
Because he knew all the shortcuts.
82. What kind of key opens a banana?
A mon-key.
83. Why did the calendar go to therapy?
It felt days were numbered.
84. What’s a cat’s favorite color?
Purr-ple.
85. Why did the light bulb go to school?
To be a little brighter.
86. What did the cow say to the calf at bedtime?
It’s pasture bedtime!
87. How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall.
88. Why don’t you play hide and seek with mountains?
Because they always peak.
89. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
90. What do you call a ghost’s true love?
His ghoul-friend.
91. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?
Live stream.
92. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
It ran out of juice.
93. What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
The trom-bone.
94. Why did the duck get a promotion?
Because he was outstanding in his quack.
95. What do you call a robot that loves books?
A read-a-tron.
96. Why don’t koalas count as bears?
They don’t have the right koalafications.
97. How do you know if a joke is a dad joke?
It becomes apparent.
98. Why did the smartphone need glasses?
It lost its contacts.
99. What did the microwave say to the other microwave?
Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?
100. What did the air conditioner say to the ceiling fan?
I’m your biggest fan!
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